As my regular reader will know, I get around a bit and tend to do a lot of cruising. I do this on small boats not bloody great big ocean liners and I do have a particular liking for what is euphemistically know as 'expedition cruising'.
It seemed to me that I have, in the past, rather unfairly overlooked one of the most important people on board any cruise - namely the cruise director / tour manager, so I'd like to put that straight right now.
A good tour manager can make or break a trip. On my last trip around the Greek islands, ours has a rather Lumleyesque appearance and all the mannerisms including the accent and corresponding area of natural superiority that go with it. Change the hair colour and chain a couple of stray Gurkhas to her ankles and you would be convinced that it was indeed she!
Like the lovely Joanna, she took no prisoners. Her tone was such that it would not naturally occur to one to question anything she said. Needless to say, the crew manager hated her and, I suspect, trembled at the mere mention of her name. She ruled absolutely over her domain and kept us mere mortals trembling in fear - all except for myself and, of course, Mrs D. who in full force is also something to be reckoned with.
At the start of the trip, she who must be obeyed did not put a foot wrong. I did not disagree with anything she said or did. The boat was a shambles, the crew were hopeless and untrained, and she took it upon herself to ruthlessly sort the mess out.
Regrettably, this was not to last. As we sailed out of Kusadasi we were somewhat confused to find the boat slowing down to a crawl. The mighty Joanna clone declared that the reason for this is that the ship's clearance papers were left behind. These unfortunately seemed to include some of our passports, although we did have some nice Italian ones that belonged to another ship. Such basic stuff is serious and should never happen.
From there on it was all downhill. I won't bore you with the further details of this particular person, except to say that I have stipulated to her employers that any future bookings are dependent on her not being on the ship.
As a complete contrast, last year we went across the Pacific for 5 weeks. The cruise director was a South African woman with a seemingly boundless supply of energy, one of the brightest smiles I have ever seen permanently plastered across her face and a memory like an elephant. In 5 weeks, she made one minor error for which she apologised instantly. She displayed a genuine concern for the wellbeing and enjoyment of her passengers which was beyond the call of duty.
We have just booked another cruise next year and a large factor in our choice was the fact that she will be on the boat.
Like I said, a Cruise Director can make or break a trip so, if you can, choose carefully...
(Dioclese is currently freezing his arse off in the Arctic)